What advice do you have for helping a very shy child warm up to a tester or interviewer when going through the admissions process? When my daughter first meets a new adult, she rarely speaks and sometimes hides behind me. Once she gets to know someone, she can become very talkative.
Many young children are shy when meeting new adults, especially during private school admissions interviews, gifted testing, or school evaluations. In fact, it is extremely common for children to become quiet, cling to a parent, or hide behind them during unfamiliar situations. The good news is that admissions staff and experienced testers see this behavior all the time and usually understand that shy children often need a little extra time to warm up.
The goal is not to completely change your child’s personality. Instead, the focus should be on helping your child feel more comfortable interacting with unfamiliar adults in low-pressure situations.
Help Your Child Practice Everyday Social Interactions
One of the best ways to build confidence is through small, natural social experiences in everyday life.
For example, you can model friendly interactions by:
- greeting store employees,
- thanking restaurant servers,
- speaking with librarians,
- saying hello to neighbors,
- or chatting briefly with crossing guards, cashiers, or community helpers.
When children regularly observe parents calmly interacting with unfamiliar people, they begin to learn that meeting new adults can feel safe and positive.
Over time, gently encourage your child to participate by:
- waving,
- saying hello,
- answering simple questions,
- or helping order food or pay at a store.
Avoid forcing interactions. Gentle encouragement and positive modeling are usually much more effective than pressure.
Use Play to Build Confidence
Pretend play can be extremely helpful for shy children preparing for interviews or testing situations.
You can:
- role-play meeting a teacher or tester,
- practice answering simple questions,
- pretend to enter a classroom,
- or take turns being the “interviewer.”
Keep these activities playful and relaxed. The goal is familiarity, not perfection.
Some children also respond well to:
- reading books about starting school,
- practicing introductions,
- creating photo journals of people they meet,
- or interviewing family members for fun.
These activities naturally strengthen communication, listening, language, and social confidence skills.
Prepare Without Creating Pressure
Before admissions interviews or testing:
- explain what will happen in simple terms,
- let your child know it’s okay to feel nervous,
- and emphasize that adults are simply trying to get to know them.
Avoid repeatedly warning children to “talk,” “perform,” or “answer correctly,” as this can sometimes increase anxiety.
Instead, reassuring statements often work better:
- “The teacher just wants to play and talk with you.”
- “You don’t have to be perfect.”
- “It’s okay to take your time answering.”
Remember: Warm-Up Time Is Normal
Many shy children perform very differently after the first few minutes of an interaction. A child who initially hides behind a parent may become talkative, funny, and engaged once they feel comfortable.
Experienced admissions staff, psychologists, and testers often know how to gently encourage shy children without overwhelming them.
Shyness alone is rarely a concern. What matters most is helping your child gradually build confidence while feeling safe, supported, and accepted for who they are.
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