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Is Your Parenting Making the Grade?
posted by Karen Quinn, The Testing Mom - May 9th, 2016
We’ve all encountered those moments when we’ve felt overwhelmed with one too many life commitments and guiltily realized that we weren’t giving “all” to our child(ren). This is a horrible feeling when you know you’re just flying by the seat of your pants in the parental department when you’d prefer to be receiving those coveted “gold stars” for serving as the homeroom mom, the play-date organizer and the queen of baking! But, alas, my overburdened parent…don’t sweat it…..it’s OK, you’re not alone…..and silver stars are still noteworthy!
Hypothetically, if you were to ask your child(ren) how you were doing as a parent, how would they grade you? Would they put you on the honor role or would they suggest that you stay after school to spend more time on your work?
Doing all the Right Things
While contemplating this idea, I ran across a mother whose daughter summed it up for her mother with this note (which I’ve included here above).
Wow, that hurts to the core….something a parent never hopes to hear or receive. So, what kind of mom do you think this parent was serving as? Believe it or not, she was in the top of her class, acing it in the “Mom” department….doing all of the right things, actually going above and beyond….yet, she still received this venomous note. How could that be and what prompted this?
It all started from an argument with her daughter regarding the white cotton capris she had chosen to wear on a blustery winter day. After much vocalized back and forth, the mother thought she was doing her parental duty by standing her ground and forcing the child to wear long, warm pants….after all, she is supposed to love and protect her child, right?
Rethinking Her Parenting Skills
But, after reading and receiving the hate-filled message, the mother had to rethink her parenting skills. Namely, her daughter was nine and was fully capable of dressing herself. Perhaps she was giving “too much mothering” and instead should have allowed her daughter to wear the capris? Granted, the daughter would most certainly get cold legs, but wouldn’t that be a valuable lesson? And, I bet you money that the pre-teen wouldn’t choose short pants on a cold day ever again!
Had the mom opted for this route, the argument and subsequent letter would not have ensued and both parties would have gained a valuable life lesson: the mother would have learned how to loosen up the reigns a bit and allow her child some autonomy, and the child would have learned that her choice wasn’t the most optimum and would remember that in the future, equaling a win/win.
But, in the heat of the moment, the child vented her frustration with the “hate mail” and rated her mom a “failing grade.” However, after they hashed it out and exchanged apologies, the mom later reflected upon similar feelings she had once held toward her mother as a child when her mom seemed omnipotent and overbearing. And, this reminded her of how she felt trapped as a child and as a result, how easily her hate would flare out toward the supposed “motherly love.”
Playing the Role
We’ve all been there and played that role – the hated one, the villain, the perceived horrible monster of a parent. It doesn’t feel good, we don’t want to be categorized as such, but it’s part of parenting – being occasionally hated is par for the parental course. But, this does not a bad parent make. This, in retrospect, makes a better parent.
Have you had a similar instance with your child where you thought you were doing a good job, only to reflect upon it in its aftermath to discover a perspective from your child’s point of view that hadn’t occurred to you? Ah, this is the mastery of parenting…. where you earn your next “merit badge” and iron it fictitiously to your “mom vest.”
A Parent’s Ammunition Belt
So, with this new-found parental perspective placed snugly in our ammunition belt, how do we continue to further grow and improve our nurturing skills? For one, when your child wants to lash out at you, teach him/her how to express his/her feelings through articulation and calm language, not temper-filled rages. This will be a skill that will work in their favor forever. And, continue to lovingly guide your child in the right life directions, but allow him/her more and more autonomy as he/she ages and matures.
This advice goes hand in hand when you partner with TestingMom.com to aid in your child’s learning acumen, educational growth and multiple skill-building masteries. You know you want to be the best parent on the block; the parent who insures that his/her child has every opportunity available to secure the brightest of futures….but sometimes you simply don’t know how to achieve that moniker or gain that gold star.
That’s why TestingMom.com is here to take some of that weight off of your overburdened shoulders. We know the skills necessary, we’ve braved the tests unknowingly and we now have the expertise to keep you from having to sail those uncharted waters alone.
And, when parents write in to tell us how much their children love learning with TestingMom, we humbly stitch that merit badge onto our online vest, especially after we’ve helped that child gain entry into a top school and/or program.
We’re Here to Help!
We’re here to help make you a better parent. Let us help you along your journey and put yourself back on the honor role. Join TestingMom.com today while we’re offering our Celebrating Moms Sale and receive 80% off of our Top 1% Membership. This means you can open the door to knowledge, learning and power for your child today for a mere $9.99/month. Doesn’t your child deserve that? The answer is a resounding yes, and you deserve some help along the way. That’s why TestingMom.com was created – to assist you in becoming a more educated parent and to develop a more educated student. Join today before our amazing sale expires!
And, after you’ve joined TestingMom.com, smile adoringly and pat yourself on the back, knowing that you’re getting one step closer to acing that parenting thing!
Keep on keepin’ on, parents! I salute you!